Saturday, June 29, 2013

In-between

Right now, the in-between moments are the ones that keep me going, it's the in-between moments I'm looking for and praying for.. Cause right now in-between seem the only place my heart finds some sort of normality...

A few hours short of three days ago, I said good bye to my second beautiful angel... It's heart breaking and feels like someone just came along and took my heart right out of me and I'm left looking for pieces to put back together again..

But in-between tears and in-between all the questions and in-between the 'why me's?' I'm finding moments of peace and moments of laughter with my two beautiful boys and I' having those moments of normality where the daily routine that needs to be dealt with when having two toddlers at home force me back into reality..

I was sitting on the couch in our play room just crying when my two and a half year hold climbed onto my lap and took my face in his hands and just said 'mamma eina' and started wiping the tears off my cheeks.... In his child like way he tenderly tried to soothe my aching heart... And he gave me one of those in-between moments where I knew that 'yes I lost a much wanted baby' but in front of me I've got two much-wanted, much-loved, and so much-prayed-for boys.. Two boys that are making all my days worth living for. Even before this terrible thing happened they are the ones that I live for, the ones I'd do anything for, to make sure they're happy and feeling loved.. They're the ones I pray for in-between my normal every day routines, in-between talking to a colleague, writing an email, answering a phone call, on my way driving to work and driving back home, they're the ones that make my every-day in-between moments filled with loving memories and also making new loving memories....

And I know, right now even though my heart is broken into a hundred pieces and I'm trying desperately to make sense of it all and somehow putting the pieces together, the in-between moments with my boys are the glue which is helping me to carry on, to mend and knowing that one day, I'm not sure when, but then this heart-ache will only be the in-between moments and life will have gone back to a new form of normality... I'm not pushing it, I'm not forcing it but I'm living in this in-between world right now and I'm hugging each precious moment and memory which I know slowly help me heal and carry on and these moments are the ones which make life worth living for....


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

10 comments:

  1. Oh, this makes me sigh with heartache for you. I'm so sorry for your loss ... May the God of all comfort be your source of comfort and strength, now and always. (P.S. Do you happen to be South African? I picked up the word 'eina' in your post ... that's what we call it in our house, too ...) Many blessings to you, even as the Lord pieces your heart back together again ...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much Kate. xx I am indeed South African, still living here..

      Delete
  2. You have a beautiful way with words. I hope you find comfort in sharing your life on here, because I know there are people who find comfort in your words. I knew a song once called Heaven Sings a Lullaby, and I don't remember much of it, but the chorus went something like this:
    "Heaven sings a lullaby tonight,
    for every tear in your baby's eyes.
    And until the day that you can harmonize,
    Heaven sings a lullaby."
    God's peace to you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Andrea, thank you so much for the beautiful words.. xx

      Delete
  3. Such a beautiful post with such grace. Thank you for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I have no words my friend... Just lots of love... Sorry it can't be more xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks my friend.. Appreciate everything and all your support... xx

      Delete
  5. Simone,
    I am so sorry for the loss of your precious baby. Ahh, my heart hurts for you sweet sister. Praying that God will continue to give you in between moments of beauty and life and peace as you grieve. Lean hard on the Lord. He knows your heart and is worthy of your trust.
    Hugs,
    Becky
    visit from FMF

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Becky, appreciate it lots.. xxx

      Delete