Being a mother..

'The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.' Rajneesh

I think what they don't tell you, not only is a mother born the day her child is born, but that with every passing day you grow more as a mother.. Every milestone, every high, every low, every one of them shape you into the mother you ultimately are.. It's really an experience you cannot explain.. It's magical and tiring and wonderful and makes you want to just cry some days.. Being a mother though is one of life's greatest treasures...

Motherhood isn't a chain of wondrous little moments strung together in one perfectly orchestrated slide show. It's dirty and scary and beautiful and hard and miraculous and exhausting and thankless and joyful and frustrating all at once. It's everything. Confessions of a scary mommy.

But it's all of this that makes being a mother so real.. It's probably the most amazing experience, but also the hardest. I'd like to think the second time round I'm a lot less stressed and worried, which makes me enjoy this small baby time a lot more. And ultimately I think I'm now also less stressed about everything regarding Jaydon which probably makes it easier for us and for the kids.. After Ethan was born and I realized how much easier it is the second time. I joked one day and said that Jaydon needed a prize for 'surviving his mom' and not the other way round.. It's true what they say the first child really is the one that gets it hardest.. Everything needs to be perfect and nothing actually is.. It's hard then for everyone around.. With Jaydon I use to worry so much about what the books said, untill I eventually realized none of the books was written for Jaydon, and trust me he was definitely not born with a manual either.. But even though it was hard, looking back it's those tough times which made me the mother I am today. And I'm loving every moment!

Now I'm not worried about holding/rocking my babies too much, I'm not worried that they'll never develop a sleep pattern or that they feeding too often or not eating enough vegetables.. Somehow these things just sort itself out.. Jaydon now doesn't want to be held and rocked to sleep anymore and now I miss it so much.. Guess that's why God gave me Ethan who still just loves to be held and I'm rocking him to sleep whenever I can, and I'm holding on to every moment of snuggling with him and cuddling because too soon he'll be where Jaydon is and won't want me to do that anymore.

These times are precious, or no.. It's beyond precious, it's really just wonderful and I'm loving it. And some days when it's hard and I really feel like I'm not even close to being a good mom, I just hold my babies a little tighter and don't worry about the tears that spill because every tear is worth it and every moment, easy or hard, is what being a mother is all about..

Eventually your heart tells you the best way to raise your children. Steve Biddulph